When I started to train for the 50 miler, I did something that I had never really done before. I wrote out in a calendar what each run was supposed to be, how far in either miles or time. Then, focusing on the weekend long runs, I noted which days on the weekends I knew I would get my runs in, which ones I had conflicts and would not be able to run and the Saturdays and Sundays I might be able to run if I was creative and motivated. In other words, I made a plan. As I am sure is the same for many of you, making a plan and sticking to the plan are two entirely different things. How would I grade myself for sticking to my plan? About a C-, I am always harder on myself than anyone else would be; but then who am I doing all of this for? ME!
Over the past month, since I have last written, I have been able to get in some but not all of the "required" longer runs, 16, 18, 20 miles (several times each) and one 26.2 mile, when I ran the Rock and Roll DC on March 16. I have just over 2 more months to train, put put in the miles and time on my feet needed to prepare my body for the 50 miles of trails! I KNOW I can do this, I know I can complete the distance and finish the run. But that does not keep all of the negative thoughts from creeping into my crazy, overstuffed, swirling brain.
I never quite know when these nasty negative thoughts may occur. Sometimes it is when I am rushing around trying to get my work done so I can get the kids to their activities; I think "how in the world am I going to be able to train and run 50 miles while working and taking care of my family?" Or it happens when I am doing more mundane chores like washing dishes or folding cloths, I start wondering "am I eating enough to stay fueled for all this training? how am I ever going to pull this off?". Often times it is when I fall into bed, exhausted from the day, when the flashes of doubt start swirling around. However the worst is when all those nagging, unwelcomed, self-doubting feelings invade my head during my long runs! Which is exactly what started to happen on March 16 while running the RnR Marathon.
The decision to register for the RnR was made a couple weeks after I wrote down my training plan. I noticed the weekend of March 16-17, I was set to run 4 hours one day and 3.5 hours the next. "Well," I thought, "I could head out on the trusty WO&D and run close to a marathon by myself, or I could go downtown with a bunch of friends and run the marathon along with 30,000 others? Hmmm? I guess, I will run the marathon!" Many of my friends were participating as well, some in the half and some doing the full. "It will be a fun training run," I thought to myself.
In the weeks leading up to the marathon (training run) I built up my miles and felt ready to run the 26.2 distance. As my friends continued to prepare for their spring race, I continued to tell myself, "it is just a training run, it is just a training run!" And really that is how I tired to approach it. Until the day of the race and my competitiveness kicked in and I wanted more. I wanted to run and do well. I wanted to feel strong the whole way. I wanted to recover quickly.
My running friends and I were excited in the days before the marathon. We went the to expo together to get our bibs and feel the excitement of the entire event. Then early Saturday morning we all met and rode down to RFK together and walked to the starting line. Just before leaving the car I received a text from one of my best running buddies, Brooke, that simply said "Run Strong Run Relaxed".
Jodi and I started out in the same corral, we crossed the starting line excited and ready to take on the 26.2 miles. Jodi is one of the strongest people I know. Last year, just weeks after running the 2012 Rock and Roll Marathon, she blew out her ACL while skiing with her family. Since then she had two knee surgeries and suffered from two (scary) blood clots and has trained for her 10th marathon! She is awesome and I was excited to be running with her. As we headed down Constitution Ave, passing the beautiful Monuments and Memorials of Washington DC, we felt strong, we were in awe of the beautiful city that is our Nation's Capital. We focused on settling into a conservative pace, with the goal of being able to build towards the finish and cross the finish line feeling strong.
As I crossed the Memorial Bridge, about 3 miles in, a stitch formed in my right side. I tried to control my breathing hoping the stitch would subside. With each step and stab of pain the negative thoughts began to creep into my mind."I am not ready for this," "I am not a real athlete," "What was I thinking, I can't even run a marathon, what makes me think I can run 50 miles?" Jodi tried to remind me how hard I trained and that I was more than ready for this training run. I listened and felt grateful for her support. Then I remembered my text from early in the morning "Run Strong Run Relaxed". I realized at that point that I needed to take charge of my thoughts and I began my mantra "I am strong, I am relaxed." I think I repeated it for the next 4-5 miles. My stitch began to fade and I felt stronger. I kept running.
Because this was "just a training run" I had made a plan to take a nutrition break and walk at miles 10, 15 and 20. I ran though the 10 mile marker, so I reset my plan and took my breaks at mile 14, 17 and 21. In between each break, I found the negative thoughts trying to slide back in and each time I focused and repeated my manta again "Run Strong Run Relaxed, Run Strong Run Relaxed."
Before I knew it, I was at mile 24 and could almost see the finish line. I did my best to relax, keep my pace even and finish strong. As I came around the final bend, Dora and Michael were there cheering for me. Dora joined me for about 100 yards encouraging me, "you are strong, you are relaxed" she said. Rounding the final turn I heard cheering from all sides, but then realized they were yelling for me, well at least a group of my friends, including my brother Kevin, were all there cheering me on! I could feel their strength and excited and I crossed the finish line with my arms in the air.
My final time was only minutes slower than my best marathon time. Initially I was disappointed in my marathon, but as I took the time to digest the morning and replay it in my head I realized that what I had accomplished was so much more than just 26.2 miles. I had overcome my running demons. I had negitive thoughts float in and out of my head, but I have beat them. I proved to myself that I could push those nasty, unwanted thoughts away and focus on myself and succeed. In the end I feel one step closer to my 50 mile goal. After all it is just one step at a time, isn't it?
